a.rose

Do you remember that time you let me dye your hair? that time you made me brownies? that time I told you you had to come with me to MI for Easter to do your home teaching? that time we played Rummycube and I was so nervous I ate an entire plate of brownies? that time you asked me where I am from and because of my answer you thought I didn't like you? that time you helped me look for fossils in the river? that time we rode the bus using senior citizen tickets because we didn't understand the system, and inexplicably the bus drivers let us do it? that time you took me to the chocolate festival? that time you held me hand as I pushed a baby out into the world?  Three times? that time I remembered you needed fingernail clippers? that time the vacuum salesman came, and I cried all night because it was pretty much the worst day? that time we bought a car that neither of us knew how to drive, so my parents had to drive it off the lot? that time you let me borrow your car ...

I hope the day is merry and bright!

This year we kept the Gingerbread House Party simple.  For all the reasons. I know I look really sick and tired and just sort of bad in these pictures, and I could have gone upstairs and put on nice clothes and my contacts and some makeup and fancied myself up for all of the posterity that will see these pictures. OR if I knew how to use photoshop and cared about things like that, I could make myself look nice digitally. Which one takes more effort and time, do you suppose? Just curious... BUT, this is what I really looked like that day, and I'm mostly not even embarrassed about it. Love the sweatshirt, Grandma Boling, thank you!  Heather loves it too, finding all of the "Smas smas trees" on it is her favorite game when I wear it. This year was really exciting because Hallie was able to do most of it on her own.  Nice job Hallie!  Heather and Daddy were a team.  She had a pretty spectacular house.  We were really impressed ...

Devin is gone Sunday mornings when we are getting ready for church, because he has meetings.  He comes home just before we leave, and makes the girls a snack and gets the diaper bag ready and out the door we go. While I am extremely grateful he does those two things, the rest of getting four people dressed and ready is up to me. Which means that some weeks, their hair looks great and some weeks it looks exactly the way it did when they woke up that morning. The Sunday before Christmas however feels like a special Sunday, and I wanted them to look nice. Except I was tired, and didn't want to have to think about how I was going to do their hair, so I let them choose whatever they wanted and I would just do it. Hallie went first.  Her request was for "three braids and this flower in my hair." Gulp. Here is the finished product. From the front.  Generic I know but you wanted to see her face, too, didn't you?   And here's what three braids an...

You know those times when the magic of life seems lost in the reality of life? When the snow is just dirty and grey, and the ice seems slicker than usual, and you keep finding Christmas tree ornaments under the table, and the wrapping paper keeps ripping? All you want is to take a deep breath and try to slow it all down, but there is a baby inside you that has gotten confused, taken up lodging in your lungs instead of your uterus.  You have no scientific evidence for this, but you strongly suspect that it is true. All that is left is to lay down for a minute and close your eyes, and try to think quieting, peaceful thoughts.  But those thoughts get lost in the high quality surround sound of little voices shouting, "Stop it!" "That's mine!" "I had it!" "That hurts!" "Momma! Pooping!"  mixed to the percussion of little fingers poking at your eyes, and little hands batting at your tummy. The whole thing swirls around you f...

I've largely been successful in not feeling so angry at my body, although there are still moments of frustration. To curb that, I've started listing in my head all the reasons I should love my body, all the body parts that are still functioning as they should, and giving me no problems whatsoever. 10 fingers that are amazingly deft and capable.  Thanks, guys.  From opening cans to making quilts to wrapping Christmas presents, you guys have been there for me. 10 toes that sit so nicely on the end of my feet.  I can't really see you very well anymore most of the time, and it's true: absence does make the heart grow fonder. A neck that swivels and allows me to shift my focus to whatever interests me, or whichever child is shouting for me the loudest.  You hold my head up so patiently, day after day, and receive so little appreciation for it.  Thank you. 2 eyes that are able to absorb and appreciate the beauty and the magic of this time of year.  Som...

Hello, hello you poor neglected blog.  You sad, sad little thing.  I haven't been myself lately, and I haven't wanted to take it out on you.  So you see, it's me, not you.  I promise. I've been angry, at my body, at my current state of weakness and limitations.  I get angry about being in pain and uncomfortable and not being able to move quickly, or take care of my children and home the way I want to. And I do not like being angry.  So then I get more angry. On Friday on our way to the church Christmas party the girls asked me to sing their favorite Christmas songs to them, and even though I didn't want to because I was especially angry at myself that night, I obliged and began singing.  When I was done with their songs, I asked if I could sing my favorite Christmas song. And then I cried the whole way through the song.  And then entire drive to the church I cried.  I was just so tired, and even more so tired of being angry.  It...

I always feel like the holiday season starts with Halloween, probably because if you go to the stores the day before Halloween they are pushing the remaining candy bags closer together and beginning to make room for the Christmas decorations. That's what my grocery store was doing, anyway. And my girls start to get so excited, and they make me recite over and over every day the list of exciting things that are soon to happen.  The list goes like this: Halloween Thanksgiving Christmas New Year's Hallie's Birthday Hanna's Birthday Hazel comes Heather's Birthday All that, in just a couple months, and it is no wonder the girls think this time of year is the best. Except, that they also ask me every day when it will be warm enough to go swimming again. But they mostly like it. Here we are, decorating the house on the day after Thanksgiving as is our custom, to make all things look merry and bright.  Except me, I sat on the couch and watched my family...

I took dictations from the family on their experience this year.  I took some liberties with Heather's, seeing as how a . she is asleep right now, and b . she doesn't really, you know, reliably speak in intelligible sentences. Hallie: It was cold.  And fun.  I ran fast.  And I beat Hanna and Daddy to the coats.  I had two jackets on.  It was the funnest Turkey Run, ever.  Heather rode in a stroller. Hanna:  I ran faster than Mommy and Heather.  Then Daddy ran with me on his back. Heather: I just wanted them to take my gloves and jacket off, but no one would.  I cried when mommy tried to put a blanket on me.  I had a lot of fun. Devin: This was our coldest Turkey Run yet.  Builds character. Amy: This was definitely our coldest day yet, it was four degrees below freezing with a nasty biting wind. We didn't stay long.  The girls did a mile, with Devin carrying one of them for a lap each.  But it felt good to g...

 We finally got Hallie's school pictures, only a month and half later than everyone else got theirs. And only after several phone calls and emails and many disgruntled statements that I made to Devin about my dissatisfaction with Life Touch. "I'm never going to order school photos again, ever, for any of our kids." "I think this is the worst company of all time, how can they not get us her picture?  It's the only thing they do as a company!" "This time when I call, I'm going to tell them that I have plenty of photos of my daughter and I don't want to keep waiting for them to figure it out, and could they just refund my money." To these hyperbolic statements, Devin responded very calmly. "Of course we're going to keep having school pictures taken." "It's a big company, and it probably just got lost somehow.  Just call them again, they'll figure it out." "You aren't going t...

Thank you so much for your responses that you have sent me in email, or Facebook, or in the comments.  You will all get an honorable mention in my book, I promise.  I'm so excited!  If you'd still like to give your input, feel free to, that post is here . Last month my girl Al came to visit me.  The thing about Al is that she is really talented.  I've decided that this is one area in life that I really excel at.  I just feel like my talent is making friends with exceptionally talented people. Since you're reading my blog, you can call yourself my friend, and so that should make you feel really good about yourself. Al has lots of talents, but the one that came into play on this particular trip was painting. She got me all hyped up, the way she does, into thinking that maybe I could paint too. So we sat there with our paints and our brushes and our canvasses, and the lighting and her easel, which was Heather's high chair, and it was all very artis...

People ask me, "So, how's the story coming along?" And I say, "Oh, it's coming!  I think it's... yeah, it's coming! It'll probably be great.  You know, we'll see, but it is coming along." In fact, if you your very own lucky self would like to be involved in helping move the story along, you could help me by answering the following question. Are you more afraid of physical pain, or emotional pain? Your answer should be in one of the three following formats: I am more afraid of physical pain. I am more afraid of emotional pain. Pain does not scare me at all. And then, if you want really bonus extra points from me, you can tell me why you chose the response you did. So!  Email, facebook, comment here on the blog, call me, send me a letter in the mail with a stamp on it, whatever you're into. Except Twitter, because I still haven't figured that out yet. And now, for some pictures of other things I have done, mostly ...

I held Heather's soft body in her dark bedroom, rocking her small self back and forth.  Her eyes grew heavy from the motion and the sound of my voice whispering lullabies. Tears streamed down my face. For me, this story, this day, will always start the same way.  We were on our way out the door to go to church when the phone rang. Any other day I would have just let the phone ring, let the machine take a message, and worry about whatever the caller wanted later.  That day a small voice in my heart said that this time, I should turn around and answer it. I will never forget that conversation with my brother.  I will never forget the new tones in his voice, the way he tried to comfort me when I broke down. It was obvious I could not go to church, and I managed to tell Devin that I needed him to take me somewhere beautiful, the most beautiful place he could think of. We got in the car and drove. I have gone back to that same park every year, and I ha...

This summer we went to California to visit Devin's family. Of course it was a great trip, the making of many good memories, all of which were recorded as photos to be treasured for all time. Except, of course, most of those pictures were on Devin's dad's camera, not ours.  We got a copy of those pictures, except that Devin doesn't know what happened to them, so I've never actually seen any of them. On our camera, we had many photos also. That Hallie took. And so, please enjoy a photo-mentary of our trip to California.  If you've been wondering what California looks like from the backseat of a van, through the eyes of a five year old, your wait is over. A COUPLE NOTES:  I did not repeat any photos.  So yes, that happened that many times. I don't know who that lady is. Alright, that about wraps it up.  Grab your popcorn, a buddy to snuggle, and hit the play button.

And now for some pictures of Hallie at the Pumpkin Run.  It was a mile, and while I know she could have gone much faster if Devin had been running with her, we were so proud of her for wanting to do it on her own.  She finished at exactly 14 minutes.  Way to go Hallie!  Before the race. Hallie was a little cold.  The starting line. This is the last heat of the day, the kindergarteners from the "big" schools.  I think there were 10 heats throughout the day. I'm glad Hallie's was last.  She finally came around the bend, so I was able to postpone my panic attack for another day.  Devin always gets so excited by her form when she is running.  A picnic after the race.  It was so great that the run was while my parents were in town. Thanks for visiting, it had really been too long!

Hallie has really embraced kindergarten.  She comes home from school every day and writes all afternoon until dinnertime.  She writes stories, and letters, and draws maps and illustrations. That's actually what she told me she wants to be when she grows up, an illustrator.  I fully support that dream. Last week she wrote a letter to each person in the family.  I include them here, with her own spelling.  For a long time she wouldn't write because she didn't know how to spell each word and would get so frustrated.  Finally Devin and I sat her down and told her just to try.  Maybe she wouldn't spell it right, but if she tried her best we would probably be able to read what it said.  She didn't believe us at first, but now when I can almost always read what she has written, there is no stopping her. Der Mom, I like yoor food. It is yami! Hallie  (Dear Mom, I like your food. It is yummy.) I like wen yoo mak pasta plan Mom.  Hallie...

When Hallie was between the ages of 18 months and 3 or so we would go to parks and zoos and children's museums, like you do when you are a stay at home mom with little kids to entertain.  Hallie would sit on my lap and watch the kids play.  Nothing I did could get her to move from my side. I had mixed feelings about this.  I was happy that my little girl liked me and trusted me and wanted to be near me.  I worried that she would be like me, and always be afraid of people and have a hard time making friends, and would need some extreme life change like moving to Brasil to get her to come out of it like I did.  I wanted to encourage her to explore, I wanted to push her to be brave, but I also didn't want her to think that it wasn't ok to be who she was... basically I was always worried that I was ruining her. I still remember how sick I felt the morning of her first swimming lesson last summer.  At a pool we had never been to, surrounded by children an...

I had just taken dinner out of the oven when the phone rang. The name and number on the caller id was not one I recognized.  I answered anyway because Devin gets a lot of calls from people I don't know who need his help with some thing or another. The words I heard after I said hello were so shocking to me, I couldn't believe I had heard right. "Excuse me?" I responded, wondering who I was talking to.  She repeated the same phrase again, then immediately hung up. I stood, stunned, with the oven door still open.  As soon as my head cleared I ran to every door and window checking to make sure each was locked and bolted. Then I called my mother. "Mommy..." I said, but I didn't know how to explain what had happened.  Words of violence do not come easily out of my mouth, and I did not know how to repeat what the voice on the phone had said she would do to me. "I need you to tell me it was a joke, some sort of really sick prank phone call....

I sat at the kitchen table with my mother.  We chatted as I made graham cracker sandwiches to enjoy for dessert after dinner. Are you familiar with the graham cracker sandwich?  It is simple. Just a graham cracker, frosting, then another graham cracker. We were enjoying cream cheese frosting that evening, the store bought kind, because it was on sale and as much as I wish I were the kind of person that always had cream cheese in her fridge, I am not.* Perhaps this will be one of my life's big regrets someday, but for now I accept it. And this brings me back to my mother and I, sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying those last few minutes of the day before the circus in my living room shuts down for the night and becomes once more just a room with a couch and toys on the floor. "Mom, do you remember we used to make these to leave out for Santa every Christmas?" I asked my mom.  Of course she remembered.  "Did you know that they were my favorite treat?...

I listened to this song on repeat for over an hour the other day.  And then again the next day. You really have to listen to it to appreciate it, but I typed up the words so I could more fully appreciate how clever they are.  I am almost positive that this is the most cleverly written song I've ever listened to, but possibly that is just because as the Primary Music Leader I know every one of the songs she is pulling lines from. Thanks for putting the music in me, Mom. She Put the Music In Me (you can listen to it on youtube while you read the lyrics, if you'd like) It started with rockabye Comforting when I’d cry All in her own style Then popcorn before my eyes Turning frowns upside down Into smiles With songs of the birds up high Looking at the blue blue skies The wind as it rushes by Then leading me Guiding me Walking beside me She helped me to walk in the light And she built my house on a rock And she lives all that sh...

Apples.  Caramel apples. Apple pie.  Apple Cider.  Apples crunchy and sweet, crisp and tart. Did you know October is National Apple Month? It is.  To celebrate, we've been singing apple songs around these parts. My favorites: Ring Around the Apple Tree (tune: Ring Around the Rosies) Ring around the apple tree All full of apples Shake it! Shake it! They all fall down. 10 Little Apples (tune: 10 Little Indians) 1 little, 2 little, 3 little apples 4 little, 5 little, 6 little apples 7 little, 8 little, 9 little apples on my apple tree. Munch little, munch little, munch little apples! Crunch little, crunch little, crunch little apples! Bunch of little, bunch of little, bunch of little apples, Good for you and me! Five Little Apples (tune: Five Little Monkeys) Five little apples hanging in a tree teasing Mr. Crawling Ant can't eat me Along comes Mr. Crawling Ant quiet as can be and he CHEWED that apple right out of that tree. (continu...

It is so rad to know cool people who know how to do cool things. I was searching around on the webs for some activities for the children to do during General Conference next weekend, and I came upon this great idea to turn photos of your children into coloring pages. But it required photoshop.  I do not have photoshop, nor do I know how to use it if I did. A quick email to my sister, and voila! It's done.  She's so super rad. I thought I'd share, in case you want coloring pages of your kids.  Or of yourself, come on!  To color during the songs, of course. Of course. If you don't have a copy of photoshop yourself, I sincerely and truly hope you have that special person in your life who does, and beg them to cook you up some fun. Photoshop Instructions So You Can Make Your Own! And yes, I am planning on putting them in protective sheets so they can color them over and over, taking turns coloring on their sister's picture, you know.