Friday, May 29, 2009
Now I don't even know what to think. She obviously at one time was able to play with her toys. Any thoughts?
Friday, May 15, 2009
Have you ever heard someone say they don't want a kitten because it grows up to be a cat? (note: I love kittens AND cats. That's not my point.) Well, I have to remind myself every day that babies don't grow up to be two year olds. (At least, they don't stay that way.)
I'm going nuts here. She screams and yells when I won't let her outside to play in the thunderstorm. I'm a mean mommy, I know. She throws herself to the ground when I won't let her play in the street. Mean, mean mommy. She tries to kick at me when I won't let her bang her head on the wall. When I put her in time out for whatever reason, she just hangs out there like "whatever man, I've got this."
There are some days... yeah.
But, then today I put her first ponytail ever in her hair:
So maybe she'll get these tantrums out of her system now, and we'll be through the terrible not yet twos before she is even two! How about that?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
The invisible Mom.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ... Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in... I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.' In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. 2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.' I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.' As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.
And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
I just found out this is an excerpt from a short story by Nicole Johnson called, "The Invisible Mother"
In honor of my Grandma, who did more for more people than anyone will ever know.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I also learned from this experience that I could never be on a reality t.v. show. It's amusing how my five minute clip they managed to squeeze all of the stuff from our thirty minute interview that I would have wished they DIDN'T use, and didn't use ANY of the stuff that I thought was interesting... You'll have that.
It was a fun experience though. :)
Devin pointed out that I keep forgetting to tell you what the story was about!! It was about the Mary Kay business opportunity, and how more women are turning to it for income than ever before, with all the lay-offs, either they have lost a job, or their spouse has, and they just need more money. 22% more women signed up as Independent Beauty Consultants last month than last April. So they wanted to talk to some women with that experience. Obviously that's not why I'm doing Mary Kay, but they found my phone number on my website and contacted me, and asked if I knew anyone. We couldn't get ahold of anyone, so she called back and asked if she could come over. I had about ten minutes of warning. It was a crazy day.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Now now, I realize that I am still quite young, I'm not signing myself into any nursing homes yet, and again, I don't want what any other life than the one I have, but I had to stop for a minute and think. Am I really enjoying my life, or am I just "living" it? Because it's going fast.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Rational Portrait of a Mastermind (intriguing, eh? Who knew I was a mastermind?)
"All Rationals are good at planning operations, but Masterminds are head and shoulders above all the rest in contingency planning. Complex operations involve many steps or stages, one following another in a necessary progression, and Masterminds are naturally able to grasp how each one leads to the next, and to prepare alternatives for difficulties that are likely to arise any step of the way. Trying to anticipate every contingency, Masterminds never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be.Masterminds are rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population, and they are rarely encountered outside their office, factory, school, or laboratory. Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once they take charge, however, they are thoroughgoing pragmatists. Masterminds are certain that efficiency is indispensable in a well-run organization, and if they encounter inefficiency-any waste of human and material resources-they are quick to realign operations and reassign personnel. Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. Remember, their aim is always maximum efficiency.
In their careers, Masterminds usually rise to positions of responsibility, for they work long and hard and are dedicated in their pursuit of goals, sparing neither their own time and effort nor that of their colleagues and employees. Problem-solving is highly stimulating to Masterminds, who love responding to tangled systems that require careful sorting out. Ordinarily, they verbalize the positive and avoid comments of a negative nature; they are more interested in moving an organization forward than dwelling on mistakes of the past.
Masterminds tend to be much more definite and self-confident than other Rationals, having usually developed a very strong will. Decisions come easily to them; in fact, they can hardly rest until they have things settled and decided. But before they decide anything, they must do the research. Masterminds are highly theoretical, but they insist on looking at all available data before they embrace an idea, and they are suspicious of any statement that is based on shoddy research, or that is not checked against reality."
That came from this website.
So I am a
introverted 33%, intuitive 12%, thinking 1%, judging 22% which means I am a:
- moderately expressed introvert
- slightly expressed intuitive personality
- slightly expressed thinking personality
- slightly expressed judging personality
Hmm... fascinating. You can take the same test and check yourself out at this website.