Friday, April 22, 2016

Hanna Is

I have been thinking about Hanna a lot lately.  I feel like her birthday post was a little sidetracked with my thoughts of just having visited my grandma. When Devin and I were trying to decide to have another baby or not five or so years ago, I worried about Hanna.  I knew that I wanted Hallie to have a sibling, but I worried if we had one more then Hanna would be in the dreaded middle spot of a family of three children. (Assuming at that time that we would not have four). As we talked though we decided Hanna had a strong enough personality that she could handle being a "middle". And yet, sometimes I worry that because she takes care of herself so well I lost out on some opportunities to be mom for her specially.  I began to worry that's what happened with her birthday post. 

So this one is for you kid, just you. 

Hanna is 

As I try to begin, I realize I have a dilemma.  How do you describe in writing, a format that is by nature somewhat permanent, something that is by its own nature not static at all?  Hanna is like a butterfly that is too beautiful to be put on display, it cannot be pinned down.  Like a jackrabbit that knows just how to evade capture she darts here and there, always just out of reach.

Hanna then, is like those rainy days when you realize that while the rain is falling, the sun is also shining. Hanna is like that day when things keep going wrong, but then you see that after the storm breaks up the most beautiful rainbow is coloring the sky. At night as the sun falls into darkness you lay your head on your pillow and just as your dreams begin to drift you see the full moon, and know the man up there is winking right at you.  That feeling you get in a rush in that moment of stardust and magic, that is the essence of Hanna.

If fairy tales came to life and a shadow were to step out of a shadow and whisper in my ear that one of my children were part fae, I would know right away that it was Hanna.  Not because she is more extra special than my other girls but because there has always been something elusive about her, a kiss just on the corner of her cheek that I can never quite catch.

Hanna is 

And that is why I love her.  Because she is, and she loves life fiercely, ferociously.  She wants to live it and she wants to live it now, no questions asked - except that she has a million questions all the time about the nature of everything she has ever seen and ever heard.  And trust me, this one sees, hears, and remembers it all.

Hanna lives life at such a pace that it can be hard to keep up, but when you make the effort to do so you realize that she gives back in love and affection more, much more, than you had known such a little person could carry.

Hanna is

And I am grateful every single day that she is.

Momma loves you.


Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Spring Needs

This afternoon while the cookie dough rested in the fridge before we carefully spooned it in to our mouths, and eventually some small piles onto a cookie sheet, Hallie and I wrote poems about spring. Quite honestly, I wish I could claim hers as mine.  

Here is Hallie's:

Spring, spring,
Beautiful spring
Trees and flowers in bloom
It's so nice to see 
The whole world
Coming back to life
In spring

Here is mine:

Spring needs green 
Like I need chocolate
And she needs music
And he needs broken down cars
To tinker with
In all his
Unsold hours

And spring needs green
Like the birds need a nest
And bunnies need a burrow
And bees need a hive
To hide all
Their honey treasure

And spring needs green
Like the sky needs blue
And your eyes need brown
And my favorite sweater needs grey
With a spot
Of mustard on
The sleeve

Spring needs green
Like I need tulips
And bird song
And warm winds
And little buds holding
An infinite promise
Of spring