Monday, March 31, 2014

The Way Hallie Tells It

Lately Hanna has become really enamored with birth stories.  She wants me to tell the stories of how she and her sisters were born, what I was doing, what I was eating, all the details I can remember.   Then she makes me tell them again and again, ad nauseam.

Every day they are like new stories to her, even though I tell them pretty much the same way each time.  One day I had just finished telling Hazel's birth story, when Hallie asked if she could tell it.  I said yes, thinking she would just tell the same story I had, and wondering why she wanted to.

She began the same way I do.  "On the day Hazel was born, Mommy was laying on the couch sleeping, and Hanna was on the other couch next to Big Grandpa sleeping because she was sick.  Heather was sleeping upstairs in her bed.  I came home from school with GramB, and then Mommy told GramB that she thought the baby was coming."

I was nodding my head, impressed that Hallie was remembering the story so closely to the way I always told it, almost word for word.  What she said next took me by surprise.

"Then Mommy made some phone calls, and mommy got her bag for the hospital.  Then GramB asked Mommy if she was cold, and mommy said no.  Then GramB asked Mommy if she was nervous and scared, and Mommy said no.  GramB put a big blanket on Mommy because mommy couldn't stop shaking.  Then GramB went to put her shoes on because she said she might have to take Mommy if Daddy didn't come home in time. Then Daddy came home and he put Mommy's shoes on and then they went to the hospital."

Those were things that even I hadn't remembered anymore.  In the bustle and chaos of what happened at the hospital I had forgotten those small details.  But her story didn't stop there, and what she said next surprised me even more.

"Then we all started to get hungry.  And we all wanted pizza.  So GramB walked to the pizza place and got us a pizza and walked home with it and we ate it."

Now, I'm pretty sure that they did have pizza that night, but if my mom WALKED to get it?  I remain doubtful.  Problem is, I keep forgetting to ask her.  It's strange that I don't know how my girls were fed that night.

Saturday, March 29, 2014


I am sitting at my computer trying to pay bills and get my music time ready for church tomorrow and answer emails and check facebook and read blogs and whatnot.

Heather is sitting behind me on the couch, drinking her milk and snuggling her blanket.

Hallie and Hanna are making me jewelry.

Out of pipe cleaners.

Then they bring me these beautiful creations and I get to wear them.

 Here you can see Heather on the couch, looks like she has some nice armbands on.  Hallie is behind her at her workstation making more beautiful jewelry.  There you can see Hanna in action as she fashions a ring right onto my finger!

In this picture you can see the finished ring.

I'm thinking we should open up an Etsy shop.  Child labor laws, what?

Friday, March 28, 2014

Two Months and What We've Done

Well, Hazel is two months old now.  As I've been looking through the pictures on the computer, it looks like I've really accomplished a lot in her two short months here.  Mainly, it seems we've been enjoying a lot of this:

Here's to more accomplishments in the months to come!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Yoga Pants and My Sister

My sister and I have a lot of fun when we are together.  This spring marks the seventh year in a row that she has come to visit me, and each year there is one more baby added to the group, making it more and more exciting every time.  Today we found ourselves with a rare bit of quiet, and this happened.

Because that's just what we do.  Especially when a friend requests dance videos for her birthday, you know.

With the newest additions to our families.

Who knows what we'll cook up next year when she comes?  

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Middle School and Me

My family lived in Brasil when I was in middle school.  We moved there when I was 10, and moved back to the United States when I was 14.  I was one person when we moved there, and I was an entirely different person when we moved back.  Pretty much an improvement all around, in my opinion.  I give most of the credit for these changes to the friends that I made while we lived there.

A week or so ago I was driving somewhere as school was letting out across Lincoln.  There was a group of middle school kids walking home and I watched them as I drove down the street.  I say group but they were spread out, in pairs, across a distance the length of a soccer field or so.  They would turn around and yell something at each other, having a sort of loud long distance conversation.

The way they walked, this awkward method of communicating with each other, the boy/girl scene, their clothes, even their hair all brought back so many memories of my own middle school days.

Ah, middle school.  The thing about middle school for me is that I did all three years of it in a different country, at a private school, and had no idea really how lucky I was.

I really began to miss those people that filled my days back then.  I tried to find pictures, and thought I had more, but this was all I could find.  There are a few pictures that I am really sad I couldn't find, so maybe I'll look again another day.

Until then, to the people in these photos and to the people in the photos I couldn't find, thanks for being a good friend to little, weird, silly middle school me.

You have no idea the impact you've had on my life over the years.

 At a sleepover. 
I still have that sweatshirt. 
Heather loves when I wear it, 
 because it has Mickey Mouse on it.

 Here I am, this is maybe 8th grade?

 This was my best friend, Elise, before we moved to Brasil.  We got to visit with them one summer, I think maybe I was in seventh grade?  I am the one all the way on the left, with the really bad looking perm.  Getting that perm was one of the worst choices I've made in my life.

Erika and Ivana

Carolina and Christen

This was my senior year of high school, Daniella and Christen came and surprised me with a visit.
I came out of school, and they were just there, on my car.
One of the top five best surprises of my life.

Friday, March 7, 2014

A Nickname For You

Some of you know that around here we have all been given nicknames.  Hallie came up with most of them:

Hallie - Pink in the Pink in the Panther
Hanna - Baby with a Swoosh in Her Hair
Heather - Baby Baked Cookie
Hazel - Hazelnut Sunshine Berries
Amy - Sweet Hot Pumpkin Pie
Devin - Gum

I also have a tendency to come up with my own random nicknames for my girls.  The other day I was thinking, why limit it to my family?  Maybe there are others out there who would like to have a Rose Family nickname.  To help out, I've created one of those things where you figure out what your name would be, you know, like you see on Facebook all the time.  I'd love to hear what your name is, leave it in the comments!  I'm so excited to see what your new Rose-ified nickname will be.

Other nicknames include* :
Kisses in the Rain
Sunshine Sparkles
Gooseling (like "gosling", except I say it wrong, purposefully)
Mr. Graham Sandwich Pants

* (these are real.)
** Hanna started calling Hazel this one day, and obviously I didn't like it, so I told her to stop.  She eventually did, but not before Heather started calling her that, and Heather has not stopped.  She doesn't get it, she just thinks it is funny because Hanna gets upset now when she says it to Hazel.  I don't love it.

I'm so excited to see what your nicknames are!!


I had heard the phrase "a fat lip" before, but I never really understood what it meant, until a few days ago.  We had been having a fairly peaceful afternoon.  I had just fed Hazel and she was almost asleep on my lap.  Heather had come over and was begging to be held for a bit of a snuggle.  I was just about to try and juggle the two of them when suddenly, Hanna fell down hard and bit her lip on the way.  The swelling and bleeding was instantaneous and incredible.  I put Hazel on the couch, which made her start screaming, and told Heather I couldn't hold her, which made her start crying. 

It's just like that sometimes, isn't it?

There was so much blood I thought maybe she had knocked a tooth out, or bitten off a piece of her tongue.  After wiping away all the blood at the sink, I realized that her teeth and tongue were fine, so I focused again on her lip as she kept screaming, "what is this bump mommy?"

I finally noticed it, and almost fell over. Her lip had swollen in the few moments since the fall to three times its normal size.  It was just huge.  I can't overstate this.  It was also black.

I held her and she screamed and cried.  Rubbing her back and smoothing her hair, I had no idea what else to do to make it feel better.  Ice?  I gave her some wrapped up in a paper towel in a baggie, but she wouldn't actually touch it to her lip.  She held it just a hair's breadth away from her lip, but since it helped her stop crying I figured it was good as a placebo anyway.

She went and laid down on the couch.  I pulled a blanket up over her, and within minutes she was sound asleep.  I picked up Hazel again and she also fell asleep, and Heather was content with a book to look at on the couch next to me.  It was peaceful again.  For a few minutes, and then we had to leave to sit in the car for an hour to pickup Hallie.  In moments like that, I find myself surprised by my life.  That I have these little people so dependent on me.  They need to be picked up from school, to be held, to have their blood and tears and whatever else wiped away.  And by some strange twist of fate, I am that person for them.  All day it's just me and my girls.  They need me and I try to be what they need. 

The day before this fat lip fall happened, Devin had asked me if I had ever thought, when growing up, that I would be a mother to all girls.  I thought about it for a minute before admitting to him the truth.

I had never thought I would be a mother.  Not a mother at all to anyone, boys or girls.

I was never one of those girls who daydreamed about her wedding, or the man she would marry, or the children she would have.  If I ever did start thinking about it, I forced myself to stop and reminded myself that I would never get married, never have children.

But as children do, I grew up.  In high school it was easy to believe that I would be alone my whole life as I never got any attention from boys.  In college however, for reasons still mysterious to me, suddenly I did start getting some amount of attention, but I had no idea what to do with it.

Luckily, fate intervened in the form of a group of friends and roommates who basically became my therapists and led me in baby steps through the process of "dating".  It took years, but somewhere along the way I began to think maybe I would get married after all.

Getting married had been one thing I never thought I would do, having babies was the other, bigger thing.  I never thought I would get married because I never thought I would fall in love, or have anyone love me.  I never thought I would have babies because simple explanation is (epidural) needles: NO, and the only other option is pain: and NO.

The other, more serious reason I never really wanted to have kids is because of the way I was as a teenager.  It all comes down to the way I treated my mother.  The only thing I regret now as an adult about how I acted growing up is the way I treated her.  The tone of my voice, my attitude, the not listening to her.  All classic, normal stereotypical teenager stuff but I remember thinking, "I can never have children, because they will probably talk to me this way sometimes, and it would hurt.  Just like I am hurting my mom."  I didn't like myself in those moments of teenagerness, and I knew that someday I would have children who would do that to me.

But then I did fall in love, and turns out he liked me too, and so we got married.  Suddenly I very much wanted to have a family with this good looking man.  I wanted to fill my life with babies.  I wanted them to all look just like him.  As we know, I said yes to the pain and no to the needle and became a mother.

That's how I ended up on the couch on a drizzly overcast day in the beginning of March.  I know that they will grow up to be teenagers.  They will probably have days when they will be sassy and snooty and it will probably hurt my heart the way I hurt my mother's.   I guess in those moments I will have to try harder than I ever have before to be like her.  I think that's what I want more than anything in life, now that I am a mother myself, is to be just like my mom.

So thanks mom, and I'm sorry.  I hope I can do it right for them, the way you did for me.

Monday, March 3, 2014

In the Mood for Food!

Devin's graduate student needs people to come and help her out again.  If you like bread, stop by on Thursday and you can be a part of an important research project.  Won't that make you feel special?

Thursday, March 6
10:00 - 11:30 AM and 2:30 - 4:00 PM
Filley Hall room 49 (downstairs from the East Campus Dairy Store)
Contact Ashley Bernstein ( or 402-472-2954) with any questions. 
143 H.C. Filley Hall / East Campus / P.O. Box 830919 / Lincoln, NE 68583-0919 / (402) 472-2831 / FAX (402) 472-1693