Thursday, May 13, 2010

Humble Pie

Last week Devin was gone from Monday through Thursday, touring the wheat fields of Kansas to help with the projected yield for this year's crop.  The girls and I missed him dearly.  It was the first time I had been alone in... a long, long time. (Usually when he goes somewhere I make my mom come and stay with me, but we are much too far away now for me to indulge in that kind of silliness.)

He is out of town again, this time touring Nebraska, and he won't be home until tomorrow night.   A few days ago (read: before he had even left) I was walking around with hot, bitter grumblings coming out of my mouth.  I was dreading him being gone, leaving me alone, and I was felt that if I complained, well mine was a "righteous" murmuring, and I was entitled to it, because after all, look at what I was being forced to deal with! Alone! By myself! Here! Sometimes, at night, it gets dark!!  Can you believe it?

Then, as I was really getting into the groove of my grumblings, I remembered the words of a woman I greatly respect, as she wrote about what it is like to be married to the bishop, and the time that it takes away from their family.  I thought, well, it is nice that Devin is around most of the time, that he helps me put the girls to bed every night, makes dinner 3 or 4 nights a week, I really can't complain about that.

I felt myself being served a cold dish of hot, crumbly, humble pie.

Then I thought of my friends who are married to doctors whose husbands work in hospitals, never knowing what the next month's busy, erratic schedule will be, and hesitant to make plans because who knows when the man will be around?

I could see a spoonful of "Whodoyouthinkyouare" flavored ice cream coming down on the side.

Then I thought of all the women whose husbands are in the military.  And the women whose husbands have passed away.  Or left them.  The women who are raising their children alone, for whatever reason, and doing the best they can.  The women who don't have husbands, or kids, and fight loneliness every night.

And the "getoveryourself" cream, whipped up real smooth, was put on top of my little (big?) piece of pie.

So, to all those women, I would like to offer a sincere apology.  I am heartily ashamed that I thought I had something to complain about.  I salute you, and I respect you. I fall to pieces after just a few days of doing this on my own, and can't imagine the strength it takes to do it every day.  I'd like to take a page out of your book, because I know it's called "Heckuva Woman."

I'm pretty sure my  book is called, "I'm Scared of the Dark when My Husband is Gone." and that's a lame story.

I'm going to use the opportunity of him being gone to try and focus on how lucky I am that I have a husband that is the kind of man that I miss when he's not here.  That he is the kind of daddy that Hallie wants home so badly she asks me every ten minutes where he is.

And maybe that will help when he leaves again next week.

6 comments:

  1. Amy, I love reading your blog! This was amazing, because it is hard to remember that other people do have it worse than us. So, I don't have a husband or kids but this was a wonderful reminder.

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  2. Your blog made me cry. I am lucky/blessed like you to have a wonderful husband. I have a friend who raised five boys by herself. I admire her and her determination. When I asked her how she did it, she answered that, "Women do whatever they have to. Whatever you do, do it well." What a great motto.

    PS: I check the locks multiple times and sleep with the light on when my husband's gone.

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  3. I also am slightly afraid to sleep alone when Jeff is gone. And I love your tribute to all of those women who are amazing and strong.

    (Sorry that Devin is gone.) :(

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  4. When Rick is gone, I stay up really late, watching stupid TV, or aimlessly surfing the Internet because I don't like to go to my bed alone. Perspective is good, and it's always best not to feel sorry for ourselves, but it's also true that it's tough to have Daddy gone, especially when you have two little ones to take care. Go easy on yourself : ).

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  5. Amy, yet another reason why I love you. You really are an amazing woman, wife, mother, daughter and sister. If I lived closer I would pack up the wee one and come stay with you at night while your honey is out of town. (Peter would probably welcome the break and stay up all night working and posting things to facebook). But, given the situation, I suppose we'll have to settle on Skype.
    Love you. <3

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  6. my thoughts exactly :-) Ya know...I'm a very paranoid, always thinking the worst thing will happen, kinda girl. So when we moved into a house, by ourselves, with neighbors not up against our wall (like in an apartment) and Danny worked nights, i freaked out all of the time. It was REALLY hard, i never went out and came home to an empty house...if i did, i made someone come with me and search our house...LOL BUT 2 years later :-) I'm doing okay. I usually watch a movie, PSYCH, the Office, or something on the laptop next to me in bed. It helps to fall asleep to something and it also tunes out any little random noises that i make into weird random thoughts. I too like charity, tend to stay up way too late b'c I hate to go to sleep by myself.. Anyways you can call anytime late at night if you get scared, or lonley :-) miss you lots!!!

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