Normal
Wow, hey, thanks for all your comments. While it is nice that we are all unique individuals, it is also reassuring to feel part of a common group, especially since I think some of my emotional stress currently is caused by loneliness. So really, thanks.
A lot of your comments brought up some other topics about which I meant to write. I wrote that post a bit hastily and while I was slightly distracted so I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say.
First of all, one of the things that make me feel extra horrible when I am acting this way is that I do have such a good life, and here I am messing it all up. I know that I have a good family, nice home, and a comfortable, easy life. It makes me feel like Minnie Driver's character in Return to Me when she says, "I feel like I shouldn't have days." That's me. I feel like I shouldn't have these days. But, I do. And apparently I'm not the only one, so again, thanks.
My second thought I started to sort of mention in my post but didn't really explain it very fully. See when I referenced the pioneer women who made the trek across the country I was thinking, are women these days (read: Am I) just different than they were back then? Or did pioneer women go through these emotional cycles as well, and maybe they just didn't write about it in their journals? Or maybe they did write about it and I've just never heard of it? Obviously I think the mentality of women has changed over time since then, and I know that a lot has changed for the better for women, but sometimes I just really feel like I'm not as cool as they were. Any thoughts on this out there?
The third thought that I had is the one that gives me hope. One of my favorite aspects of this new house we live in is that at the foot of the stairs we have a picture of Christ. At the top of the stairs we have a cross-stitch that Devin did of Christ. So, going up or coming down I typically find myself looking at the Savior. And many times as I'm ascending or descending I find myself thinking a sort of spontaneous, sudden, prayer, without half realizing that I'm doing it. They are always very succinct. Sometimes it's "what do I do?" and sometimes "please..." but most often, it's just a simple, heartfelt "thank you".
A lot of your comments brought up some other topics about which I meant to write. I wrote that post a bit hastily and while I was slightly distracted so I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say.
First of all, one of the things that make me feel extra horrible when I am acting this way is that I do have such a good life, and here I am messing it all up. I know that I have a good family, nice home, and a comfortable, easy life. It makes me feel like Minnie Driver's character in Return to Me when she says, "I feel like I shouldn't have days." That's me. I feel like I shouldn't have these days. But, I do. And apparently I'm not the only one, so again, thanks.
My second thought I started to sort of mention in my post but didn't really explain it very fully. See when I referenced the pioneer women who made the trek across the country I was thinking, are women these days (read: Am I) just different than they were back then? Or did pioneer women go through these emotional cycles as well, and maybe they just didn't write about it in their journals? Or maybe they did write about it and I've just never heard of it? Obviously I think the mentality of women has changed over time since then, and I know that a lot has changed for the better for women, but sometimes I just really feel like I'm not as cool as they were. Any thoughts on this out there?
The third thought that I had is the one that gives me hope. One of my favorite aspects of this new house we live in is that at the foot of the stairs we have a picture of Christ. At the top of the stairs we have a cross-stitch that Devin did of Christ. So, going up or coming down I typically find myself looking at the Savior. And many times as I'm ascending or descending I find myself thinking a sort of spontaneous, sudden, prayer, without half realizing that I'm doing it. They are always very succinct. Sometimes it's "what do I do?" and sometimes "please..." but most often, it's just a simple, heartfelt "thank you".
I don't know the answer to your wondering about women from other times. Sometimes I think that they may have just been too busy to have "days." Because I know that when I am busy, I am not depressed. But that might just be me. Other people perhaps get depressed when they're busy. I just know that idleness, for me, sometimes does not end up well for my well-being.
ReplyDeleteI want to see how your house is decorated now! I love how you have the Savior going up and down.
Yes, we are certainly very privileged, but that doesn't mean we aren't allowed to have "days". Everyone has them!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about women, but I'd bet they struggled with many of the same emotions as we do now. They probably vented in letters or journals. A good place to look to find out about them (albeit a little post-pioneer days) might be some of the old LDS women's publications (did you even know they used to exist?!!! I didn't until recently!). You can find links to them here: http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=3128
I guess BYU did a lot of work to make some of these old publications available online. I haven't actually followed any of the links myself, but what better way to find out about early Mormon women and what their day-to-day concerns and feeling were than to read what they wrote in publications where their main audience was women?
About women's trials from past times--I don't know about you, but I tend to try to make my journal entries at least somewhat cheerful (which could be because I didn't when I was a teen, and almost every entry starts out "I'm sick"--apparently I was sick a lot).
ReplyDeleteBut I bet pioneer women had hard times, and they commiserated with their sisters, even if they didn't write it in journals.
But as for more recent women--my grandmother had depression, and she divorced my grandfather because of it. At least, this is what my mom says. Because back then, people didn't understand about depression.
And, taking time to read and relax, isn't shirking your duties. It's taking time for yourself, which you need to do, so Hallie and Hanna know what they need to be like when they grow up. And they have a less stressed mom now.
No, they were just better women than us.
ReplyDeleteha.
I loved the last line of the post. It was well written and I think we can all relate.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI've often wished I could chat with a pioneer woman, but at the same time I think I'd be so intimidated. I'm trying to learn to focus more on the times that I'm good than when I'm bad. Not that we can ignore the bad, but I sometimes think we only define ourselves with our bad moments. I'm trying not to do that any more. I have a lot of good moments too! But for some reason I don't obsess over those. I only obsess over bad moments. That's not really fair if you think about it. It seems like our friends are more willing to see more of the good in us than the bad than we are. I hope that sentence made sense. Love you!
ReplyDelete