Sometimes when I'm jamming along to my tunes I imagine that I'm on American Idol. In my head I make a playlist of the songs I'd perform were I given a chance to croon for Cowell. I don't hold back my imagination on the judges' critiques either. I'll share this daydream with you:
1. Fishin' in the Dark - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
after my performance of this song, Randy says, "Alright, yo baby - that was just the wrong choice of song for you for me." I slowly nod my head.
2. Only Yesterday - Karen Carpenter
when I am done Simon says, "The problem I have with you is that you aren't making yourself relevant. You made yourself sound too old fashioned." I try to smile. It comes out more of a grimace, perhaps I need pepto bismol.
3. You Gotta Be - Des'ree
It's early on in the game, but clearly I've already decided to ignore Simon. When I am done with this song, Kara says "I respect that you took a chance, but like Simon said last week you aren't making yourself relevant, so you really need to try and update your song, make it current, but I believe in you, I know you can do it."
4. Hallelujah - Randy Wainwright ( I know this one has been done before, but I have been playing this daydream game for years and I always had it on my playlist, before someone sang it on the show.)
When I do this one, I completely rearrange the vocals to make it more current, and hopefully modern sounding. I get this feedback from Kara, "I can see that you tried to make yourself current, but the song was totally unrecognizable. You just killed it."
5. Home - Michael Buble
At the end of this song Ellen tells me "It's like having my favorite stapler back. Great job tonight."
6. Don't Turn Around - Ace of Base
Randy says, "Dawg, you know I love you baby, but tonight you had some serious pitch problems. You were just all over the place for me"
7. Wanna Talk About Me - Toby Keith
Simon tells me that the song was too karaoke, and that I'm just pretending to be an artist, but he doesn't think I'm in it to win it. America might vote for me. and keep me in another week, but that's all I have left.
8. When you Say Nothing At All - Alison Krauss
Kara tells me that it felt loungey, and Simon says, "It was very wet*. It felt too indulgent."
9. Never Saw Blue Like That Before - Shawn Colvin
The panel is split. Ellen loves everything about me, I'm a delicious ripe banana to her, and Randy thinks I'm on it. Kara and Simon aren't sure I have what it takes.
10. Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
They are all surprised by this song choice, and tell me that I don't have the pipes for it.
America disagrees. I win it all.
disclaimer: I don't actually want to be on American Idol, nor do I think I have a good enough voice. I do not want to be famous, not even for 15 minutes. My life is quite hectic enough as it is, thank you.
* - Do you remember when he told Kris Allen that his performance was "wet"? I still don't know what that was supposed to mean.