Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Welcome Back

Some of you have expressed concern for me ever since my post about not feeling well.  I really appreciate that, and so I thought I'd let you know that I really, really am feeling better.

And the way I know is, is because I am.  I am feeling, that is.  I am feeling happy, and I am feeling sad, and I am feeling angry, and the thing is that I AM again.

When I wrote that post, for the past month or so I had been living in a strange dark void.  There was a gnawing nothingness that nibbled and nibbled at my soul until I was a hollow shell.  It left my shadow with more substance than my body.  And I didn't care.  I didn't feel happy and I didn't feel sad and I just didn't feel much of anything except that I wanted to be asleep.

I realized the other day just how good it felt to be "feeling" again.  To be "doing" again.  I was making dinner for my family, a thick warm soup, with bread dough rising in a bowl, and cookies in the oven.  The house was (mostly) tidy, the curtains were open and light was streaming in, and probably choirs of angels were singing perched on a cloud above my house.

I mean, you know the feeling, right?  And it felt so good to be taking care of the people I love again. It felt so good to be more than just a husk of a human who peers out at the world from behind her thick blankets only to snarl "go pour yourself your own milk".

Since then I have also made two of the most adorable blankets for a friend who recently had twins - I love them so much I will have a hard time sending them away.  I also finished a cross-stitch that is number two of a three part design.  And I am planning new projects again.  Things to work on and to look forward to!  We've been going out and doing things again - there's a world outside!  A world full of people and trees and sunlight and birds who are starting to come back to make nests in my trees.

Welcome back birds!  Welcome back, me.

 My little helper.
 The only cookie that might be better than chocolate chip.
 My other "helpers"
 This became breadsticks.
 Listen, I made fresh bread!
  And cookies!
  And I just used this as a base, and then added a bunch of other ingredients to make it 
extra more specially delicious.


  1. Ooh what cookie can be better than chocolate chip?!

  2. I am so glad you're back!! :)

    I can't wait to see you. My recent trend has been to be planning a trip to come visit you in March or April, so I'm kind of sad that I'm not planning a trip like that this year. :(