Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Last Month

Tomorrow is exactly a month before my due date.  My sister's baby was born exactly a month early, and part of me is wondering: what are the odds that it happens to me?  If I could only be so lucky...

I'm sitting in our basement exhausted, bored, and wishing I hadn't eaten that last tootsie roll.  Thanks to that one morsel of pseudo-chocolate I can add heartburn to the list of things that will keep me tossing and turning all night tonight.  Earlier today Devin said, "This baby better come soon, so that you can start sleeping again."

It is sad to think that I may actually sleep better with a newborn than I have been the past week or so.  I lay in bed at night looking out our dark window and can't decide which would make me feel better: to actually fall asleep, or give in and cry at the frustration of not being able to sleep.

I know, I know, you're all so tired of hearing me complain about being pregnant.  I'm tired of it too.  The other night as I lay there rolling over and over searching for a position that was not painful I kept thinking about how there are women out there who claim to enjoy being pregnant.  I suppose it is you women that I would really like to hear from now.  I need someone to tell me what they like about being pregnant.  I keep telling myself just to think about how great it will feel when this baby is out of my body and in my arms, but when she's tap dancing on my ribs at two in the morning, and the food I ate four hours ago is sitting in my throat it isn't enough.  I need something positive about this experience as it is right now, and even if I have to feel it vicariously, I'm willing to do that.

So tell me what YOU like about being pregnant, and then when the urge to cry comes over me I will tell myself to think about "so and so" and how much she likes "such and such" about being pregnant.  Can you do that for me?

You know what is really nuts, and perhaps makes me certifiable?  I'm already thinking about how nice a family of four looks, and plotting future "H" names if it is a girl (that one we would do on purpose!!), and daydreaming about how handsome David Jonathon will be if it is a boy.  Don't tell Devin.  He really might have me committed.

12 comments:

  1. I really cant help you out with anything you are asking for. lets face it, i have never been pregnant or had a hernia. I have had insomnia before. Which admittedly is awful but i did learn that it seems there is endless time when you have extra hours in the night. The possibilities are endless as to what you can do with your time at 3 am. haha. its really not funny, but its a thought. finish a project or two, catch up on some random tv, or a movie you havent seen in forever. i dont know. anyways, i think you are less committable than you think. (is "committable" a word?) you are a woman and pregnant. Two very good reasons to be emotional and say or feel however you want. and on top of that you are tired and dont feel good. two more reasons to be irrational. I think you're good. Embrace it. Be crazy. Have a good time with it. Blame it on Heather and rock on Mama! (maybe im insane too!) Love you!

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  2. Sister, I can't help you either. I remember when Ammon's due date was a week away, and Megan Lyon blessed their little boy. She gave her testimony and I was bitter with jealousy! She just looked so LIBERATED. The best part about pregnancy is your liberation day.

    And Ammon came 13 days late, by the way.

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  3. First of all, I am convinced that the difficulty sleeping at the end of pregnancy is just Heavenly Father's way of preparing our bodies for the interrupted sleep that will come with a newborn. Let's face it, when you're used to getting up a couple of times in the middle of the night, it's not near as bad as it is to be awaken when you are accustomed to sleeping without interruption.

    Now, on to the other part of your post. I happen to be a person who will claim to like being pregnant. I will add a few disclaimers. It has been over six years since I have been pregnant, so mostly my brain remembers the happy parts. Also, it is most likely that I will not be pregnant again, so I find myself thinking, with sadness, of the things that I will never get to expereince again. Also, the more babies I had, the more I did NOT like the end of the pregnancy. Now, what did I like, and what do I think about missing? I think about how I will most likely never feel a baby move within me again, I won't ever be able to look down at my belly and see the entire thing shift. Is that weird? A little, but it's also amazing to me. I will most likely never spend time thinking about, and looking up what my baby looks like now, and what features has my baby added this week. You know, typing this is hard, and therapuetic at the same time. I'll even admit to tearing up a little as I think of these things. I know you are uncomfortable now, and I understand that you're tired of being pregnant. That's SO normal at this point, but what a miracle you get to be a part of, and there will be a day in your life, that you will no longer be in a stage of life that you are a part of that miracle anymore.
    So, you can think of me on those days, and enjoy that human life inside of you for me. I'd be happy to know you were doing that (I also wish I could relieve you of the heartburn and the kicking in the ribs, but I'm not sure how to do that). Good luck with the home stretch, Amy!!

    Oh, and BTW, my mom used to get to mad at me, because I would start telling her things like, you know lots of babies are perfectly fine when they are born at 30 weeks, or 32, or whatever I was at! She'd act all shocked and say, "Don't say that! That baby needs to stay in as long as possible." I knew that, but I sure liked the idea of being done a little early.....

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  4. I liked being pregnant with Emily. I had heart burn, and occasionally I would get charlie horses, but most of the time I felt great. And being pregnant (with Emily) actually made me less moody.

    The next time, not so much. It wasn't necessarily bad, but I didn't enjoy it either. Sorry you aren't feeling well. Four weeks seems like forever now, but someday it will seem like a blur. Emily was a week late, and I had started hoping she would come any day now a couple weeks before her due date. So, hang in there. This too will pass. Soon you will have a cuddly baby to love.

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  5. Ok, Ames. First, I am right there with you. It will be a race to the finish line! And I don't even have a hope of going early--Minnie was induced 9 days late. (sigh).

    But I totally agree that the lack of sleep makes having the baby a lot less hard afterwards--I definitely slept just as poorly then as I did before Minnie was born. The last two nights I have slept really well, but I know you don't really want to hear that...BUT I fully chalk that up to dragging the nursery dresser downstairs and into the garage by myself and then spending 3 hours sanding it and 2 hours painting. (more to go today!) So if you can possibly bring yourself to do some sort of nesting exertion, it might make a difference in your sleep.

    Also: the awfulness of the end of pregnancy totally makes us willing to go through the labor and delivery itself. I definitely believe there are psychological reasons for the physical badness at the end. In addition to physical reasons, like running out of room. :)

    What keeps me going the most right now is the knowledge that my opportunities to do things will be a lot more limited for a while after the baby is born, so I am trying to get all sorts of things done now--finish that dresser! touch up the trim in the house! stock the freezer full of meals! obviously life will go on after Ezra is born, but I want to take a lot of pressure off myself then by getting a lot done now. So most of my time is consumed with that. And it helps. I keep thinking, oh, if only to hold my baby in my arms instead of being a whale. but then i remember that i will not be up for painting that dresser once he is born, and i really do want that dresser to be painted.

    Also, although you didn't address this at all, I find this to be a very nice sentiment: http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/176908/The_Beauty_Love_Left_Behind

    Well, Ames, in the end, it's not forever and it's a pretty amazing thing that we're both doing right now. Take a look at yourself. Your girls. Your husband. You are making a PERSON, woman! A PERSON! You are AWESOME! And of course it's hard work--you're doing something really incredible that will MAKE SOMEONE really incredible.

    Hang in there, babe. It's totally worth it and you can totally do it.

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  6. The only thing that I liked about pregnancy is that I prayed for 3 years to have that opportunity. Every time that I wanted to complain I stopped and reminded myself of the 3 years that I cried everytime that I found out that someone was pregnant, had a baby, blessed a baby, or sat next to me with a baby. So the only help that I can give you on that front is that 1 out of every 10 women wish that they were you right now.
    I'll admit that I didn't mind it between about 22 weeks and 30 weeks. I felt pretty good, I could feel her move but she wasn't going crazy with resistance training yet, I could eat again, I was showing, but I could still move.
    Is there a place where you can go swimming? That is the only time in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy that I felt sort of like myself. You can float on your belly and on your back, nothing aches, and it's pure heaven. If you can find a pool I would recomend it.

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  7. Hey Ames! I am one of the women who says she enjoys being pregnant, but since Jill came two weeks early, and Danny came four weeks early, maybe that statement doesn't hold much weight from me. I think I just love knowing that my body is building a baby. It's pretty amazing.

    I hate not sleeping. I really hope you do sleep better once you have a newborn. Hey! Heather can't be worse at sleeping than Danny. Right?!?!?!

    And Jeff totally agrees with Devin. I dream of having four also, and Jeff thinks I'm a little crazy. He talks about how tired I am and sick I get and etc. etc. But another baby! :) Sigh.

    This video might help. You might remember it from my blog a while back.

    http://mimihalley.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-would-die-for-that.html

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  8. I really loved watching Camille move inside of me... Like the bumps that would pop out and move across my stomach... Kind of alien-ish :) and as she moved I would like to imagine what she would be like, and how we were going to get to play soon!

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  9. I really felt this pregnancy this time. Boy I felt old, nerve pain, heart burn, hernia, acid reflux, swelling, blah, blah, blah, but now some days I miss it.
    I love the knowledge that my body is creating another human being that is a beautiful blessing from Heavenly Father and part of me and my husband. I also (mostly) enjoy feeling the baby move.
    I had terrible acid reflux/heartburn this pregnancy and Zantac was a wonderful help.
    Good luck!

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  10. Aw, I'm so sorry the end has been rough... That's just no fun... and I can't only imagine you're completely tired and exhausted and then you have to be a sweet mom, that you are, for you two other baby H's... sorry...

    I am however one of those women who just adored being pregnant! I don't really talk about it too much because I know I was a minority to say the least... I had L on his due date and I still wouldn't have minded going another week or so before having him...

    I loved it because I felt like a mom even without that sweet baby in my arms... I felt like every decision I made was for him, like the food I ate or the activities I did... I felt super cute when I was pregnant so that was a bonus... that perfectly round belly just sticking out there...

    I really felt like L had a personality before he was born and I really enjoyed figuring it out... like when I leaned over in the shower to shave my legs he would snuggle up really close to me, like he was afraid of falling or something... He didn't like and yet loved frozen confections (as I've so lovingly named them... ice cream... Popsicles those kinds of things...) he would shiver and then I craved more haha... I just really loved watching for things like that...

    To top all of it off I hardly had heart burn, only this cool sensation that was cured with a tums... and the only time I was achy was when I tried to sit up in bed...

    It was completely new thing for me... I enjoyed the selflessness that came with being pregnant too... I never had to put someone first so often before, and the reward was this perfect chubster :D

    Now for my disclaimer, he was my first lol... I can't say I'll be quite as smitten with another one... I'll have L to chase around and I probably won't get to sleep in near as much :D

    Hang in there my dear! cherish these moments because I feel like although our babies grow up, we can still hold them when they're sad when they get older, but we'll never be able to hold them so close as we did before them came into this world :D <3

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  11. Oh Amy... even after it took Dan and I three years and infertility treatments, I still had difficult moments while pregnant. I kept telling myself that I should be grateful that I was finally pregnant and to enjoy every moment, but that is definitely easier said than done.

    Hormones are all over the place and moods are crazy. Yet, I did love hearing the heartbeat at doctor appointment and feeling him move inside me.

    It truly is a miracle and such a tremendous responsibility as well. It is such a blessing to be able to conceive and know that God trusts us to raise this amazing little spirits.

    You are amazing Amy, you can do it and you are such an awesome mother. Your little girls are truly blessed to have you as their mother!

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  12. The only thing I loved was not having a period every month! :) Hope that helps!

    You are doing great and soon this will all be in your past and your baby in your present. Your delivery will be beautiful and something you will remember forever! I'm so excited for you!

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