Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Overwhelmed

I imagine that I am not alone when I say that I occasionally feel overwhelmed by my life.  Don't get me wrong, I know I have it good.  I know and am grateful for the life that I have.  That doesn't mean that sometimes I feel like I am in over my head - house, yard, children, husband, church, family, friends.

My life is lived in ten minute bursts - what I can get done in between fights, demands for a snack, a snuggle, a book to read.  That is between the phone ringing, the drier buzzing, the mail truck rumbling down the road.

Yesterday I finally put stamps on the bills that have been sitting on my desk for almost a week.  I felt so proud of that accomplishment - and then just as I was putting my shoes on I heard the mailtruck going by.  I tried to go outside, but Hanna wanted me to help her with something.  Frustrated, I pushed her out of my way, opened the door, ran down the steps, and he was four houses down already.  I began to run after him.

And then I stopped in my neighbor's soggy grass, their sprinklers working overtime in this heat.  What am I doing?  These bills and letters had sat on my desk for a week, and now I am pushing my children out of my way to chase the mailman?  Get a grip lady.

If anyone has figured out the perfect balance between wiping noses and counters, I'd appreciate being let in on the secret.  I know that the more I try to do it all, the more I feel like I am failing just a little at everything.  And I've always been the good student.  Failure makes me panic.  Literally.

Usually when these moments come and I feel the panic threatening to take over my sanity, I take a deep breath and sweep my kitchen floor.  Then if the girls demand my attention for the rest of the day, I can look back and think, "Well, at least my kitchen floor is swept."  Or, if they keep playing nice for a few more minutes I might graduate to wiping down the counters.

And, on some days, when the panic starts to creep up my throat and choke me I shrug my shoulders, and look for a good book to read.  Then the girls settle down with their watercolors, or their baby dolls, and I sit down with my book, and we all just take the day off.

So maybe I have found balance, and I need to just remind myself of that.  Maybe?

And now, should I go outside and water my lawn, or go see why Hanna is screaming?

Ah, the phone is ringing.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

10 comments:

  1. I can't believe you ever get ANYTHING read while your kids are awake. You are amazing.

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  2. ugh, Alisha again. Jeff seriously needs to get his laptop fixed and stop using mine!

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  3. Okay, so I was totally feeling this today. I feel like there's always a million things to do, and I never know where to start or prioritize, etc.. So I txted my awesome hubby and this is his reply:" Just pick 3 things you want to accomplish today. You have your whole life to do things. Joy in the Journey." It was exactly what I needed to hear.

    Also, I Read this cool blog article (dont' remember where now) but in it they said they would write down everyday what their accomplishments were for that day. Whether it was running for 3 miles or 3 minutes. Whether it was getting out of bed, just showering, or cleaning the entire house. Then they could actually see what they have been accomplishing. I too often feel like I've never done enough. Even if I cleaned my whole house, I would say to Danny but I didn't get ______ done. And he'd look at me crazy :D

    I don't know if there is ever a balance, but our family's motto this year is "Find JOy in the Journey" and I REALLY try to remember that when my kids are throwing huge temper tantrums and I'm ready to throw a temper tantrum (or already am throwing one :D)

    Good Luck!

    Kara

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  4. Dude, chasing down the mailman four houses down totally goes on the accomplishment list. Be proud. Your girls will remember that Mom was determined, even about the mail ...when she finally remembered it.

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  5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! And on a Saturday too. What luck. Have a great day.

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  6. Wow - I realllllly get what you are saying! Sometimes I act like the text I got is more important than the child who just fell down! It is really hard to prioritize our time and balance the demands for our attention. Today I hung out on the couch and let the kids play. I loved it.
    Love Kara's comments - wise gal!

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  7. A gratitude/accomplishment journal sounds great. It might help you see what you have done, and the kids and grandkids would love it down the road. I think Joy in the Journey sounds like a great motto.

    Your post reminds me that I tell people I got ADD from my kids. I can only do things in 10 minute increments now, even without interruptions.

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  8. Another idea I had: pay bills online, or have them automatically deducted from your checking account. That way I don't have to remember to pay it, and no late fees ever. The only "bill" I actually pay by check is tithing.

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  9. I love knowing that I'm the one who called you. Ha.

    Um you're amazing. I really need to let my kids watercolor. Jill would really like to, but I am just terrified of the mess it might create.

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