Thursday, February 10, 2011

Tunas, Whales, and Blondes.

When I was 11? 14? One of those awkward ages I signed up for reasons inexplicable to participate in a talent show. I had no talent, but somehow I was talked into just telling jokes.  Blonde jokes, of course, since I knew so many of those.  The big day arrived, and soon it was my turn up on stage.  I was introduced, and people were on the edges of their seats, prepared to laugh uproariously at my sparkling wit and smooth delivery.  I stood in front of the microphone and stared at their eager faces.  I gazed blankly into their expectant eyes.  I had no idea what I was supposed to say.  Fumbling, grasping for any words at all, I finally muttered, "Um, I forgot my joke."
Wild laughter broke out amid thunderous applause.  I was a hit. They loved me.  I was smart enough to recognize that this would be a one hit wonder and retreated to my seat before they saw through me.

I've never really managed to escape from the stereotype that my hair casts me into.  Every time we move somewhere new I manage to do or say something that has people nodding knowingly while glancing surreptitiously at my scalp.

I clearly remember the afternoon when I learned that Rice Krispies are in fact made out of rice.  I was in college.  I made quite a scene.

The other night we had some people over to our house.  After they had left I asked Devin if he thought everyone had had a good time. He said, "Yeah, I think it was good. Except for when you started talking about tuna and whales." 

Apparently tuna and whales are two different creatures.  Who knew?

I know, I  know. You did, just like all of my friends at our house that night.  I think sometimes that everyone has a copy of the book "Common Knowledge" that they read every night before bed and somehow my copy got lost in the mail.

I have no concept of how long a yard is, or what the government of Australia is.  I sometimes get confused about the exact difference between a turkey and a rooster.  A hen I'm clear on though, thanks.

Maybe I should just do what that one guy did, and read the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica.  Hey mom, remember when you offered me our entire set of encyclopedias? I changed my mind. I'll take them.  Thanks.


  1. amy, you are most awesome. and i love you :) xoxo

  2. I laughed outloud on this one...So funny, I'm so glad I was present to witness it. Don't worry I don't know what the government in Australia is either. That's what they make google for right?

  3. Heheheh.

    If it helps, that was the same afternoon that I learned Rice Krispies were made out of rice too. (And I'm NOT blonde!!)

    Tuna and whales though? Well, it's fair. Don't we all have weird things? I learned recently of someone (also not blond) who thought that nougat was a fancy way of saying nugget. Like, chocolate nougat = a chocolate nugget. Not kidding. :)

    Oh, Ames. You make me happy.

  4. So . . . when you popped open a can of tuna fish and ate the contents on a sandwich, you thought you were eating whale meat? I am confused about your confusion.

    And it was the summer you turned 15. (I don't know if it was before or after your birthday.) That moment was beautiful. It was your funniest joke ever. I remember how dumb I was at that same moment though. Sigh.

    I think you're amazing. And I think we all have some sort of common knowledge deficiencies. I can't think of any examples of mine right now, but I know I've had those same moments.

  5. I smiled rehearing your moment of glory with blond jokes, laughed when we got to rice and lost it completely on tuna and whales. Thanks for bringing laughter into my day.

  6. You are too funny! I've been smiling as I think of you post all day!

  7. I had to read your post out-loud to Grandpa H when he was here. And you can have the encyclopedias!