a.rose

Do you remember that time you let me dye your hair? that time you made me brownies? that time I told you you had to come with me to MI for Easter to do your home teaching? that time we played Rummycube and I was so nervous I ate an entire plate of brownies? that time you asked me where I am from and because of my answer you thought I didn't like you? that time you helped me look for fossils in the river? that time we rode the bus using senior citizen tickets because we didn't understand the system, and inexplicably the bus drivers let us do it? that time you took me to the chocolate festival? that time you held me hand as I pushed a baby out into the world?  Three times? that time I remembered you needed fingernail clippers? that time the vacuum salesman came, and I cried all night because it was pretty much the worst day? that time we bought a car that neither of us knew how to drive, so my parents had to drive it off the lot? that time you let me borrow your car ...

I hope the day is merry and bright!

This year we kept the Gingerbread House Party simple.  For all the reasons. I know I look really sick and tired and just sort of bad in these pictures, and I could have gone upstairs and put on nice clothes and my contacts and some makeup and fancied myself up for all of the posterity that will see these pictures. OR if I knew how to use photoshop and cared about things like that, I could make myself look nice digitally. Which one takes more effort and time, do you suppose? Just curious... BUT, this is what I really looked like that day, and I'm mostly not even embarrassed about it. Love the sweatshirt, Grandma Boling, thank you!  Heather loves it too, finding all of the "Smas smas trees" on it is her favorite game when I wear it. This year was really exciting because Hallie was able to do most of it on her own.  Nice job Hallie!  Heather and Daddy were a team.  She had a pretty spectacular house.  We were really impressed ...

Devin is gone Sunday mornings when we are getting ready for church, because he has meetings.  He comes home just before we leave, and makes the girls a snack and gets the diaper bag ready and out the door we go. While I am extremely grateful he does those two things, the rest of getting four people dressed and ready is up to me. Which means that some weeks, their hair looks great and some weeks it looks exactly the way it did when they woke up that morning. The Sunday before Christmas however feels like a special Sunday, and I wanted them to look nice. Except I was tired, and didn't want to have to think about how I was going to do their hair, so I let them choose whatever they wanted and I would just do it. Hallie went first.  Her request was for "three braids and this flower in my hair." Gulp. Here is the finished product. From the front.  Generic I know but you wanted to see her face, too, didn't you?   And here's what three braids an...

You know those times when the magic of life seems lost in the reality of life? When the snow is just dirty and grey, and the ice seems slicker than usual, and you keep finding Christmas tree ornaments under the table, and the wrapping paper keeps ripping? All you want is to take a deep breath and try to slow it all down, but there is a baby inside you that has gotten confused, taken up lodging in your lungs instead of your uterus.  You have no scientific evidence for this, but you strongly suspect that it is true. All that is left is to lay down for a minute and close your eyes, and try to think quieting, peaceful thoughts.  But those thoughts get lost in the high quality surround sound of little voices shouting, "Stop it!" "That's mine!" "I had it!" "That hurts!" "Momma! Pooping!"  mixed to the percussion of little fingers poking at your eyes, and little hands batting at your tummy. The whole thing swirls around you f...

I've largely been successful in not feeling so angry at my body, although there are still moments of frustration. To curb that, I've started listing in my head all the reasons I should love my body, all the body parts that are still functioning as they should, and giving me no problems whatsoever. 10 fingers that are amazingly deft and capable.  Thanks, guys.  From opening cans to making quilts to wrapping Christmas presents, you guys have been there for me. 10 toes that sit so nicely on the end of my feet.  I can't really see you very well anymore most of the time, and it's true: absence does make the heart grow fonder. A neck that swivels and allows me to shift my focus to whatever interests me, or whichever child is shouting for me the loudest.  You hold my head up so patiently, day after day, and receive so little appreciation for it.  Thank you. 2 eyes that are able to absorb and appreciate the beauty and the magic of this time of year.  Som...

Hello, hello you poor neglected blog.  You sad, sad little thing.  I haven't been myself lately, and I haven't wanted to take it out on you.  So you see, it's me, not you.  I promise. I've been angry, at my body, at my current state of weakness and limitations.  I get angry about being in pain and uncomfortable and not being able to move quickly, or take care of my children and home the way I want to. And I do not like being angry.  So then I get more angry. On Friday on our way to the church Christmas party the girls asked me to sing their favorite Christmas songs to them, and even though I didn't want to because I was especially angry at myself that night, I obliged and began singing.  When I was done with their songs, I asked if I could sing my favorite Christmas song. And then I cried the whole way through the song.  And then entire drive to the church I cried.  I was just so tired, and even more so tired of being angry.  It...