a.rose

Lately I keep finding myself surprised by my life.  And really, it is all my face's fault. (I want that to read: the fault belongs to my face, but for some reason I feel like that is not the way it came across. Punctuation error?) The girls and I go about our day, drifting in and out of rooms, playing, tidying, quarreling, scolding, teaching, singing, jumping, dancing, sleeping.  And each of us get our turn at each of these activities.  Sometimes, be it coincidence, or fate I will be walking past a reflective image just as the girls shout out some cliche like, "Mom, I need you!"  or as I am shouting out some cliche like, "Stop hitting your sister!" As these words are said, by them,  by me, my ears hear them or the mouth says them at the same time that my eyes see my face in that reflective surface, and for that first instant of recognition I am stuck in a paradox.  My eyes know that they are seeing me, but the information being received by my ears seem...

Wake up Take my medicine Feed Heather Give Hallie her medicine Give Hallie her ointment Eat Breakfast Feed Heather Give Devin his medicine Clean House from Sickness Weekend Feed Heather Take Walk??? Feed Heather Eat Lunch Give Hallie her ointment Give Hanna her medicine Feed Heather Put Hanna down for her nap Make Hallie rest Feed Heather Let myself rest Give Hallie her medicine Feed Heather Eat dinner Go to bed Feed Heather What are your plans for tomorrow?  Just tell me this: will they be as exciting as mine?

I drink hot jello when I am sick.  I recommend the following flavors if you're interested in trying it: cherry, orange, or peach.  Hot Jello is especially delicious and potent when you have a sore throat, or are achey all over from a fever. Strawberry Awake (Great Value, Wal-Mart brand) is my new favorite cereal.  Although, strangely enough I would like it better without the strawberries. I'm pretty sure Hallie is a somnambulator (sleep-walker).  In the past few weeks she has gotten up in the middle of the night, and when we ask for an explanation of why she has gotten up, she has given the following responses, and said nothing else: "I... I... I need... I just need... I need a triangle." while sobbing uncontrollably: "Read this to me."  She was holding "To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street". "um. um. um" I got a hair cut that I don't know how to style - it reminds me of the time Devin and I bought a car with manual tra...

My mom keeps a pretty clean house.  We had chores we were assigned to do, when I was growing up.  In college my roommates and I would put on "Scrubbing Day" from Pippi Lockstocking and we'd clean the TH.  Since being married, Devin and I spend our Saturday mornings cleaning.  He does the toilets, bless that man.  But I've never, ever, ever really organized and executed a "Spring Cleaning Extravaganza".  You know, where you open all your windows and take your rugs outside and beat them on the clothesline with the stick? Ok, I realize no one does that anymore.  But maybe it's because I have an actual house-home now, or maybe it's delayed nesting hormones, or maybe it's just that this Spring is particularly Spring-y, but something inside of me is screaming "CLEAN YOUR HOUSE! CLEAN IT DEEP!!"  And so, this is what my heart has been longing to do, and I am determined to find the time to do (most of) it. Sweep garage. (I did this last we...

At first the crushing           sweet release           and           beautiful relief      of the sudden emptiness      inside left me      laughing hysterically,      crying because it was finally over. They took you and      cleaned you      measured you      weighed you      poked you and they brought you back      to me putting your little body on      top of mine and that familiar weight      was back again. I looked at your face      and remembered -      this had only just begun. Nine months of wishing to      have your w...

Since we've been married, going to the grocery store on Saturdays is one of our most constant traditions.  Few and far between have been the Saturday that did not find us at the grocery store.  Hallie came into our family, and we packed her into the car with us on our way to the grocery.  Hanna joined the family, and we adopted her into the weekly store going ritual.  Heather has yet to be introduced to this family outing, but no worries, her time will come. Because of the fact that we nearly always go to the store together, it took me a long time to figure out one priceless bit of knowledge.  For whatever reason when I, for whatever reason, do not go to the store with Devin he always comes home with some little treat (or treats!) for me.  At first it was just random and surprising, how delightful! What made you buy this for me?  As some of you may know, Devin is very strict with our grocery budget.  And so each time I opted out of the family t...

And Me - The Truth Comes Out I've spent a lot of time thinking about pain and fear.  I don't know if that makes me really weird, or really self-actualized, or maybe it is normal and you've also pondered these topics? Before we go any further into this topic can we discuss semantics for a moment?  I have a hard time with certain terms associated with pregnancy, and labor and delivery.  In the beginning, I have trouble telling people that I am pregnant.  It's not that I have a problem saying the word "pregnant", it seems so blunt when you say, "Hi, how are you? I'm pregnant."  and the word "expecting" sounds to me like you haven't finished the sentence, "Hi, how are you?  I'm (or Devin and I are) expecting... it to rain... the mailman to come soon... a baby."  Sometimes I wish we could go back a hundred years ago when you didn't talk about it, and people didn't ask about it, and everyone just sort of pretend...

The Anesthesiologist An anesthesiologist is someone I never thought I would meet professionally.  Just like I never thought I'd meet an astronaut, or fireman, or Regis Philbin.  Sure, maybe someday I'd be his neighbor, or his son would be in my daughter's class in school, but you know that is different.  Not that I have anything wrong with anesthesiologists, although part of my mind does question the sanity of someone who wants to spend their day with needles, but that probably is an indication of my sanity more than anything else... more on that in the next post. But when the reality of having an iv began to settle in and I began (literally) shaking with fear, I wanted desperately for an anesthesiologist to wander into my room and casually inquire if his services would be, by any chance, needed.  Like a knight in shining armor, if you will, brandishing needles in place of a sword but certainly rescuing damsels in distress. The nurse approached me with the ped...

The Midwife: Part Two In this post I write all of the things that I really liked about having a midwife during labor and delivery.  Some of these things may not be unique to having a midwife, I don't know.  But this was what I liked about my experience, with my midwife. One of the first things that really sold me on having a midwife deliver Heather was the appeal of not having an iv.  When I met with JoAnn in her office that first time I mentioned my issue with needles, and she said straight away, "Ok, no iv."  And I wanted to hug her. That was all well and good until I tested positive for Group B Strep, so whatever. I had to have the iv anyway, but it was nice that she was willing to NOT make me have one.  Next time. When she showed up at the hospital, she came bearing gifts.  I don't know if she made it herself, or if she paid someone to make it but it is definitely handmade, my very own personalized boppy. (Is that what they are called?) The o...

The Midwife: Part One My sister wanted to know what it was like to have a midwife deliver Heather.  This post is my attempt at telling her what it was like. I am in no way telling you that you should have a midwife, but if it sounds like something you'd be interested in then go for it.  If not, I support you in whatever you choose. Heather was delivered by my midwife, JoAnn.  It was magical.  She will never deliver another baby for me.  That was her decision, not mine.  And I'm not taking it personally.  But I think I'm getting ahead of myself. The only image I had of midwives a few years ago was that of a wrinkly, bent old woman whose medical advice consisted of telling you to bite a stick of wood when the pain was bad.  Then when I was in the middle of my pregnancy with Hallie, Devin and I moved to the Netherlands.  I was at the grocery store with the wife of Devin's boss, she was helping me figure out what to buy, and I asked her ab...