Tuesday, September 8, 2009

A Lesson to be Learned

It happened again today. A mom was holding Hallie, and she said, "Wow, she's so light." I have no problem with this statement, it's true, and I would say the same thing if I was holding someone else's child that felt particularly light. What has been bothering me about it is my own reaction to it. Why do I get so frustrated with Hallie for being so small? (She had her 18 month checkup a few weeks ago, I know, two months late... but we got there. And she's 20 pounds, 31 inches. That's 2% for weight, and 12% for height. She gained one pound and one inch since her last checkup, at 12 months.) But the doctor keeps telling me that she's healthy. She is energetic (clearly), she is developing normally, and she looks good. So that should be enough for me, right? I should be happy with her because what does size really matter?

Maybe it's because it's so frustrating to offer her food and have her throw it. So let's pretend she does eat as much as I would like her to. Would I find something else to be dissatisfied with, say, "Oh my goodness, our grocery bill is so high now that Hallie is eating everything she can get her hands on. I wish..." Or whatever.

I started to get afraid that if I don't become satisfied with the size that she is, when will I? When will she magically reach the "right" size that will make me happy? And if I don't get happy with her size, she's going to start picking up on it (I pray that she hasn't already, she understands so much more than I realize.) and then what will that do to her self-image? Great, she's not even two and I've ruined her.

So, as of today, no more deep sighs when moms comment on how small she is. No more rolling my eyes when I have to buy her clothes two sizes smaller than other moms are buying for their kids her age. She's healthy, she's happy, she's learning, she's fine.

I think I have to take this lesson one step farther though. I have to be more happy with myself. This is the body I was given, I need to be more happy with it. Sure I need to take care of it, and eat right and exercise, and get the sleep I need, but once I've done all that complaining about my eyes, or my nose, or my teeth, or my stomach, or my thighs, or my whatever is not going to change the body I was given. It's a good, healthy body. So is Hallie's.

That's my September 7th resolution. A little late, but don't judge me too harshly, I'm still learning.

(I was going to put up a post titled, "You're Killing Me, Smalls." and then say, "First, you take the graham. Then, you roast the mallow." and then go on to whine and complain about Hallie's small size, and the food that she throws on the floor, and blah blah blah, but that's over now. I only share it because I thought it was funny... you know, the Sandlot is classic.)

10 comments:

  1. I know, I know, it's Sept. 8 today...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha. I didn't even notice (about the dates).

    I think that's a great resolution. It's funny, when I came, Dad mentioned he thought I looked skinner. I'm not (at least the scale says so), but his comment made me think that I should stop thinking I'm fat. I'm definitely not obese, but I am fatter than I used to be.

    I need to decide that being fatter than I used to be don't necessarily mean I'm fat. You know?

    I agree about eating healthy and exercising, etc.

    Well, I love your resolution. Hallie is a cute girl. And hey, her grandma is only 5'2", so what you can expect? :) You and Devin aren't giants! Hehe. It is good that you're saving money by her wearing the same clothes as last summer.

    I need to be careful of the opposite. I keep hoping Jill will be as tiny as Hallie is and force myself to be cheerful that she's in the 90 to 95 percentile for height and weight.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, and isn't it a good thing that our clothes don't have age labels on them like little kids' do? It would be so sad. "Well, I wear a 35-year old pants and a 50-year old top." Haha. Sad.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well...in the world we live in, it will probably be good for Hallie's self-esteem to be cute and littler than everyone else, especially once she hits high school and college...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh Amy :-) Ben is small for his age too. He is only in the 8%tile for his weight, but the doctor says as long as he is sticking to his growth curve he's fine! I just think to myself....I'd rather have a lighter child than a "heavier" child (esp. right now being prego and all :-)) It's okay to have those thoughts. We all do, or at least I do too. She's as cute as ever so no worries!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. At least she is both light and short! You were light and tall! You were a skeleton baby! What goes around comes around! I had people ask me if you had some kind of health issue—like until you were, oh, 20 or so!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mom said that you were so skinny, you could have posed as a famine child and we could have had people send money to us! Haha :) It is amazing to see how skinny we were. Well, we're women now!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. let's see... Amy is thin, Devin is thin... it shouldn't be to shocking that you have a thin kid...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Somehow I missed this post, so sorry for the late comment:

    I laughed at this post because I secretly hope that my babes will always be on the small side. As long as the doc pronounces the coveted "he's healthy" I'm super happy with kids in the tenth percentile. Maybe it's because I know I'll always be lugging two around. Anyway, don't stress love. It's no use letting things like statistics serve as guidelines for normalcy anyway.

    ReplyDelete