Homework

I was thinking about different posts I want to write for my blog, writing them in my head, then rewriting them, as we all do, but then I never sat down and actually wrote them.

For over a week now, no posts.  Usually when I go this long without posting something, it is because I am pregnant.  Everyone knows that.

I am not pregnant.

The only other reason for not posting is because I'm on vacation or have family in town, and even then sometimes I like to have posts scheduled, or I just write up a quick, silly one.

Because my blog is one of my favorite things about my life.  I was contemplating why, what is it that I love so much?  Why does it give me such a sense of satisfaction? Of accomplishment?  I mean, what have I really achieved here to feel proud about?

My working theory right now is that it is because I don't have school to go to anymore.  I miss the teachers with their plans and expectations, and I miss thinking and struggling, working creatively, feeling my own intelligence solving puzzles.  Quite frankly, I miss homework.

Now, sure, I was a nerd in high school but I was not the kid that sat in their room Friday night doing extra math homework because what else was there to do on a Friday night?  (Don't get me wrong, those are good kids.  And I will hope and pray that my daughters are like that.  In their rooms.  All weekend. With nothing but their textbooks and calculators.)

But really, anyone who knew me while I was in school is having a good chuckle right now.   I was the kid that ignored everything possibly related to school until the very tippy top last minute.  And I loved it.

Now this laid back attitude about school didn't always work for me.  There were some classes that were in subjects in that I really should have worked harder on, if I wanted to actually understand the material and get good grades.  Physics.  Geography.  But everything else pretty much just came to me.

I created challenges for myself.  I loved the rush, the feeling of exhilaration, knowing that I only had so many hours, minutes, seconds left until the teacher would come to collect, and it was my racing thoughts and furiously scribbling fingers against the demands of the clock.  Did you know homework could give you a wicked adrenaline rush?  Oh, I did. I did.

In high school I used to do my homework for afternoon classes in the cafeteria at lunchtime, probably irritating all my friends with "silicon and carbon, plus or minus four." I know at least two people reading this blog will know what I am talking about with that one.

In college I used to stay up until all hours of the crazy night finishing projects, or getting up at wicked early hours to work on them again.  And maybe sometimes I complained about it then.  So yeah, probably all the time I complained about it then.

That doesn't mean I don't miss it now.  And I think that that feeling is what I have attached to my blog.  Sure, there is no more sense of a deadline, and there is no teacher giving me a grade.  So now for a little honesty?  I think I give myself a grade on each post based on how many comments you leave.  The more comments, the better grade I give myself.  Or, sometimes, when I feel that it was a really great post, but it only gets a comment from my sister, I will look at my pageviews and see that it got 90 pageviews in a day, and I'll think, "Well, that's not too shabby". (For me, you know.)

Thus it goes.  My rush now is waking up in the morning to see if there are any comments.  Then to check my page views.  This blog gives me a feeling of accomplishment, that I am doing something that people see, and I have devised a way of grading myself on it.  Call me crazy.  Go ahead, in the comments.  Call me crazy.

Thanks.