Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Her Life

I have a friend whose life looks so quiet.  She has three children, and still she always seems calm and relaxed.  Her children are well behaved and sweet.  I have never seen her in a hurry, or disorganized, or at a loss, or confused, or realizing that she forgot something again, or frustrated, or out of sorts.  She breathes slowly and evenly and her world revolves peacefully around the sun, each day passing smoothly from morning to night and back again.

I see these things in her, and I take what I see and I imagine her life, my imagination painting a vividly beautiful picture of what her life is like when I don't see.

There are never dirty clothes in her hampers or dishes in her sink.  There are never crumbs in her carpet or fingerprints on the windows.  There are never tangles in her kids' hair or cavities in their teeth.  She never shouts at them, and in my imagination I am not sure if that is because she has endless patience, or because her children are unfailingly obedient.  I guess probably both.  They always eat what she makes for dinner, and they like it.  Their rooms are always clean and she never feels like she is drowning in stuff stuff stuff, wondering as she sinks what all of it is for, anyway?

And I know, even as I daydream about the serenity of her life that it is not true.  And I wish I had some great lesson that I have learned about it all.  I wish I had some profound or uplifting words to end this with, to make all of us whose lives are filled with chaos and noise feel better, or something.  But I don't.  I want to curl up like a cat in the warm sunshine and take a nap.

But I guess what I really want is for things to be clean and tidy and to never forget anything again.

And what I really want more than either of those things is a tiny girl named Heather, a middle sized girl named Hanna, and a big girl named Hallie.  Three little girls with blonde hair and Devin's eyes.  Three little girls who run and jump and scream and fight and kick and say "yuck" before they even see what is on the plate.  I want them.  And I suppose since they are the source of most of the chaos in my life, I'll take a deep breath, close my eyes and picture the beach, and keep going.

I'll keep going and I will try to remember to laugh when it is crazy, when I've forgotten something important, when I've failed at something I tried, when I wasn't patient, or didn't understand.

As I'm writing this, I begin to have a suspicion that when they all grow up and leave me alone in this home, I will hate the quiet.

And maybe I've learned something here after all.

8 comments:

  1. It's me isn't it. My life is totally as you imagined! ;)

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  2. Oh, Amy...I am at this point daily. I see other mothers who are creative and calm and their children listen. I hear my siblings and one of my parents tell me what I am doing wrong every time we are together. Avaleigh is extremely....red-headed with so much attitude and she screams and yells and kicks and throws things. I try my best, but sometimes all I want to do is curl up and cry. But you're right. We need to remember to laugh, to take in deep breaths. To jump into the craziness with our kids. I think we will hate the quiet when they are old enough to leave us. I think you're an amazing Mom. Your children are beautiful and anyone looking in the pictures sees that your children are wonderful and obedient. There's a quote that says a picture tells the story. Sometimes I spend hours looking at my children's pictures. :-)

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  3. Love this Amy!... Just what I needed!... By the way I think you are such a great mom

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  4. Hopefully, that image of the beach will come true this summer....say around the first week of August!

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  5. Remember your blog theme, "stop and smell the roses" and add "don't sweat the small stuff." Yes, and before you know it, they will be all gone. I wish I had been calmer and happier when I had small children. I miss them now.

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  6. sigh. Kids are miss-able. I have fun kids. You are doing the best job as a mom because I have fun grandkids. Thanks!

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  7. Friday was a day where I really wanted to curl up in the sunshine and take a nap.

    And it already causes me physical pain to think of my kids growing up and leaving me.

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  8. I have been thinking about this issue for a while now. And I have been getting so stressed lately about being the "perfect" mom... and shoot, I only have one kid! You have three!!! I had a moment the other day though... and the Gospel is the most important (which I know you know :) ) And as long as we teach them that we are good to go. Keep on, keeping on. :)

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