a.rose

The basement guys showed up bright and early yesterday morning to begin working.  They worked all day, leaving at 5:30 and then were back at it again this morning.  They hope to be done before too long and then I can have my house back! Yesterday just as they were getting started, the crew leader, Mike, mentioned that I would have to turn my heat off, because the dust from all the concrete they would be breaking up would filter through the whole house otherwise.  And so with below freezing temperatures outside, I turned off my heat inside and we all huddled in my bedroom with a space heater on all day.  As I sat there in my bedroom for hours with my three little girls, I thought I could probably complain about this. Or I could be grateful that my bedroom is the size of the houses people lived in a couple hundred years ago, when things like furnaces and solid walls and running water were unheard of dreams.  I chose gratitude. At one point I was in my bathroo...

Right now I'm thinking about family.  My mom just left, she was here for a week as a stop on her trip from Michigan to California, where she will visit my brother.  While she was here I took the opportunity, as I do, to take the pictures of her phone and put them on my computer.  As I scroll through all the pictures of my beautiful, wonderful, crazy awesome family, I feel really happy that they are mine, lucky that I get to be a part of this group. We were in Michigan for a wedding/family reunion/ camping trip.  Michelle, Clay, Amber, Me, Susi  Great Aunt Cathy and Hanna  Great Aunt Phyllis and Hazel  Great Uncle Larry and Daniel  Allison and Jamison  Great Uncle Geoff and Jill  Dancing!  Grandpa and Uncle Dan, with Daniel, Hallie, Emily, and Jill  GG and Alice, Hanna, Hazel, Hallie, Heather, and Jill Golly gee gosh I love those faces.

My mom sat me back down on the couch and wrapped a blanket around me, then went to get her own shoes.  She was not sure Devin would make it home in time and she was going to drive me to the hospital if he didn't show up. He made it just in time and helped me out to the car.  I remember wishing he would drive faster, I remember I couldn't understand why he didn't understand that he needed to go faster.  I remember there was a white van in front of us, and I was so angry at that white van for not understanding that it should not be in my way. I remember looking at the clock, and out the window, back to the clock, and just breathing.  At one point Devin made a comment about how it didn't seem like I was really having contractions anymore, or that they weren't too bad.  I remember my head exploded because I didn't know if I wanted to laugh, or cry, or scream, or hit him, or hug him, or throw myself out of the car and just start running to the hospital.  I ...

Can I talk about this again?  Every month this past year as the 28th has come around again the memories would resurface.  I would let them in, almost embracing them, soaking in as many of the little details from that day as I could.  As the months ticked by I looked toward the year mark with some trepidation, some anticipation.  I wondered what the memories would do to me on that day.  And each month as I let the memories in I thought that maybe, on one of them I would be able to let them out again.  But month after month I never did, just tucking them back in to my heart and keeping them safe for the next month. I think it's time now, though.  I have held on to them long enough and I am ready to be free of them.  I am ready to release myself from all the tiny moments that added up and became the whole day, a day that has haunted me this past year. I had been in the hospital about a week and a half prior because there were some "things" they ...

I am going to tell you a truth.  Then I am going to let you in on a little secret. I am often tired.  I am sometimes so tired that I find it really hard to enjoy being a mother.  It's hard when you are tired to listen to all the questions, and the crying, and the complaining, and still manage to enjoy it. It's hard some days to clean up the spilled cereal bowls, and the orange someone spit out because they took a bite that was too big then decided they didn't like it, and the mess on the floor by the toilet made by someone who played a little too long and couldn't quite make it.  On those days, with the messes and the exhaustion, I just can't find the energy to enjoy it. And sometimes it is my own fault for being so tired, because I forgot to go to the pharmacy (again) and pick up my medicine and probably I stayed up too late crocheting and watching Sherlock.  I'm new to the Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock bit, but color me orange and label me a fan. ...

The other day we were driving around in the car, as we do.   Hanna began contemplating what life had in store for her. "But, mommy," she began thoughtfully, "I can't marry daddy because he is already married.  To you." I didn't understand yet where this was going.  "That's true, Daddy married me."  I told her, looking both ways before turning left and probably not really listening to her at all. "So, but mommy.   But who am I going to marry then, since I can't marry daddy?" I looked at her in the rearview mirror. She was looking out the window at the Christmas lights on the houses as we drove past in the early evening dusk. "Oh." I was listening now, and trying not to laugh.  "Well, Hanna, how about you marry one of the other boys you know, like --- or ---- or ---." I said, listing the names of some of the boys she knows. "Mom.  I can't marry them .  They are just little boys." Her voi...

New Years Resolutions are fun, aren't they? Recently, my mom and dad found stashed away my New Year's Resolutions from 2000, along with those of my sister and one of our best friends, Sarah. Oh! The memories come crashing back when you find something like that.  I begged my mom to mail them to me, and she did. OH!! The memories! We wrote them all in shiny gel pens.  Shiny! Gel! Pens! I don't even understand what the purpose of those is.  I can't decide whose resolutions to share first! They are so so so so classic.  Now, for reference, we were all at this time 14 years old, give or take a year or two. A note before you read them: they are all strangely cryptic at times. It makes me laugh so hard. I'll throw my girl Sarah under the bus first: 1. (obvious) 2. Blossom to a wonderful flower 3. Stop making corny jokes 4. Find at least one special someone... ha ha 5. Be nice and try to include everyone! 6. Have Ashley and I work out when she moves in 7....